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Thursday, October 28, 2004
hietz..
here i am..rubbing my tired eyes from reading too much notes on this sastera
hope to score for lit 1 coz as i mentioned..my lit 2 suckz..
gonna try my best tommorrow, hopefully the ideas keep on flowing..
nothing sucks more then mental block..sheesh
well..apart from being busy with exams..i keep on having this irritating feeling inside of me..
im kinda feeling low sometimes...no its not because of those around me..its more of myself i guess..
it's one of those times when u feel sucky..
ive been having self reflection..muhasabah diri sekejap lah katakan..
hmm i guess i have a major problem with my self confidence..something is obviously not right with me up there...
ppl wld be telling me why i should be having this problem as, according to them, im already fine being me..
sometimes when u read or hear about what people say about you, the praises..it makes you think if it's all true..if so..then why am i still feeling this way..
i feel like im not good enough and i keep wondering if people can accept me for who i am..
maybe its due to past experiences that lead me to having this kind of thoughts..
since small ive been teased about my skin colour..people would call me pantat kuali and so forth..of course masa kecik-kecik tu sedih..
but i guess as i grow older..dah pandai belajar to put it aside and ignore the comments..
but i guess due to ignoring..i havent been really learn to love myself..
i just ignore it..
and not to mention the unforgettable years during sec sch..hehe those times when i feel soo lousy and kinda hate myself..
luckily tehre's my beloved frens..if not geez i dunno where i'll be now..
its hard i guess trying to prove people that u're not exactly stupid just because you dont meet their expectation..
but ive worked hard enough to end up where i am now..and suprised them
and im proud of myself..coz i guess im doing better then some other people right now..
i must learn to love myself..this is sooo unhealthy if i keep on thinking like this..
i have people around me who love me to bits...and Alhamdulillah..i have enough with me now..syukur atas apa yang me ada selama ni...
to my family...thanks for being so wonderful and supportive..for the love and making me lucky to have you
to my beloved members...thank you for all the support all these years...without you guys...well..i guess life wont be the same..
to my frenz at NIe (esp the four stooges) thanks..for making life there enjoyable and being there for me through the laughters and tears...
last but not least (can never be hehe) to dear..thank you for everything so far...for making me feel special and treating me right..for convincing me that u really love me and accept me for who i am..and for understanding my needs
sorry if i seem to doubt you..im not aite :)
well that's it for tonight i guess...
feeling drained and emotional at the moment..
hehe
oh well..back to my notes...
take care peeps..
phir milenge..
muackz
IsHQ Hearts you :: 11:38 PM ::
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Girl.In.Love
Anis. 22
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